You'll Never Walk Alone

It's nearly Christmas, Roque Santa Cruz is being linked with a move from Blackburn, and the headline writes itself.

For what says 'Christmas spirit' like, well, several litres of Christmas spirits, a 24-pack of Stella and granny's alarmingly sweet sherry?

Certainly not some red-suited bloke in a Dorset 'theme park' desperately trying to find the sellotape to re-attach the cotton wool to his chin.

Santa Cruz himself is a model professional, of course, which is just one of the reasons why Rafa Benitez wants to bring him to Anfield and send Jermaine Pennant in the opposite direction.

Benitez intends to return to the good old days of squad rotation to reduce the load on Fernando Torres's prima donna-ish hamstrings.

With Robbie Keane presently unable to finish his dinner and Dirk Kuyt thriving on the wing, Benitez wants an extra body up front.

Something in the region of £8m plus Pennant could persuade Paul Ince to do business as Rovers look to whack the loot on a decent defender or two.

It hardly needs saying but Gossip Shop will say it anyway - Liverpool face competition from Manchester City for Santa Cruz's signature.

It is probably fair to assume that Herita Ilunga won't make his loan move to West Ham permanent.

The Toulouse man has employed classic 'no disrespect, but...' tactics to diss the Hammers, saying: "Without being derogatory, West Ham are a second-rate club.

"Let's not kid ourselves - we are not an Arsenal, Manchester United or Chelsea.

"Once I have proved myself in a team such this, I can hope to make the step up to another club."

Without being derogatory, Ilunga is out of his mind if he thinks he can hold a candle to Gael Clichy, Patrice Evra or Cheryl Cole's WAG.

Wigan have slapped a £10m price tag on a 30-year-old striker who scores five goals a season and has six months left on his contract.

The reason? Steve Bruce reckons Emile Heskey could be the only thing standing between the Latics and the costly business that is releagation.

Freddy Adu has said it is "one of my dreams" to play for Tottenham. One of Gossip Shop's dreams is being chased through the streets of Bratislava by masked agents before waking up in a cold but strangely euphoric sweat. If a sweat can be euphoric.

Sulley Muntari strongly recommends that Michael Essien ditches Chelsea for Internazionale just as soon as he comes back from that knee injury.

Essien sleeps 14 hours a day, and they have very good mattresses in Italy.

Centre-back Alex is another man being lured away from Stamford Bridge by a Chelsea old boy.

This time it is Henk Ten Cate, who wants the Brazilian to move to Panathinaikos on loan.

Alex has fallen behind Branislav Ivanovic - who plays every match in an Albert Ferrer-themed wig - in Big Phil's defensive pecking order.

Finally, two stories that have little in common but are dull enough to merit lumping together.

Fulham will bid £6m to sign Kevin Doyle from Reading, while West Ham could flog Valon Behrami to Palermo as their money troubles continue. Have they not heard of Ocean Finance?